I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
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It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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