If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
