my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
