Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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