i need an iv and a liver transplant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
