Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
