Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dignity is for republicans.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
whose parrot is this?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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