i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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