this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
