It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
