she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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