just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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