he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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