i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
