I want to stick my p in your. b.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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