Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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