I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
