Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just threw up on my dentist
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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