I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
