Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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