My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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