You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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