how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
