Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
