you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
