What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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