Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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