I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
