And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
