And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
