babies were throwing up all over the place
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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