Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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