I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
