Your favorite bartender is back from prision
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
