i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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