her vagine was all disorganized.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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