He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
