My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
