And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
