I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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