Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
