I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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