i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
