he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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