It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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