Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
