Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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