Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
