I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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