he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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