I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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