After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
