wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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