apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
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Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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