She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
