So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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