I bet he comes in French.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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