I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
