you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
