I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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