Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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