I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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