I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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