I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
