yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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