If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
