M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
