You're completely useless in the revolution.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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